Sister Switch Read online

  Turns out it was relatively stressful.

  Still, it was Friday night, I was officially thirteen, the lights were down, the UV lanes were up, and despite being terrible at bowling – whichever body I was in – I was having the most fun I’d had since that stupid Shakespeare conference with Erin had ruined my life.

  And I needed some fun after this week.

  I was exhausted from constantly treading on eggshells at home and school, and pretending I knew what words like ‘egregious’ meant (apparently it meant ‘shockingly bad’ which summed up everything really). And Mrs Saddler hadn’t been any more impressed by my performance today. Plus Erin’s apology to her had achieved zilch, as when she found out my sister was also leaving rehearsal early, she was even more furious than yesterday. I’d been at the receiving end of a teacher-rage before (many times – too many times?) so knew the best strategy was silent acceptance, but my sister, who had no experience of adults being disappointed, panicked and offered to come in on Saturday morning AND Sunday to finish the scenery so the precious play didn’t fall behind.

  So now Erin and I were back to arguing – she’d gone and made a plan for the one day I’d asked her to keep free. Sunday. Micha’s big football tournament that I’d promised I’d be at.

  I was so done with Erin being me. And even more done with being her.

  And the one person who would find something positive to help keep me going didn’t have a clue about any of it. I really missed having Micha to talk to. We normally talked about anything.

  Last night instead of working on my blog under my duvet like usual, I’d started typing out some thoughts, just so I could get them out. I’d called it ‘101 Weird Things You Will Never Know Unless You Magically Swap Lives With Someone Else’ but crossed out ‘Will’ and replaced it with ‘Might’ in case Mum or Dad found it and thought I’d eaten too much broccoli again. Without meaning to I’d poured out all the things this week had shown me, like how much about my normal life I took for granted, and how much less fun life was without your best friend. I figured it could be a reminder, just for me, when I was back in my own body, of how good it was being me. Well, that was if I could get back in my own body. With only one day left to figure out Agatha’s clue, I was beginning to seriously worry that might never happen.

  I had to figure out Agatha’s clue. What were those statues?!

  But my brain was so tangled trying to figure it out, I needed to give myself a break. Just a few hours off the Agatha search to enjoy my birthday. And being here, in the dark, the noise of the bowling balls hitting the pins, was already making me feel a little less on edge, as if maybe I could get away with being a tiny bit more myself. Especially as our parents weren’t here to give me worried looks and ask if ‘I meant my hair to look like that’ like they’d done every day this week.

  Dad had broken his little finger at Circus Skills attempting an ‘over-optimistic cartwheel’ (Mum’s words), so instead of bowling they were popping to a pharmacy for painkillers and some plasters for the cut to his head. Oh, and something else because apparently Dad had done himself ‘another mischief’. When Mum had said this I’d stared forward in the car not wanting to know more, which she’d mistaken as deep interest and followed up with, ‘Athlete’s foot. Your father’s got a rather extreme outbreak of Circus Skills fungal infection.’

  I made a note to send any future counselling bills direct to them.

  ‘Love that you’re testing the hypothesis.’ Ben slid on to the padded bench beside me. I stood straight up, like a dysfunctional see-saw. He was updating his own scoreboard pad that he’d brought ‘in case the machine’s algorithm glitched’. Despite trying my best, I was doing worse than any other player, including the child who was refusing to take his BMX gloves off and couldn’t even pick up a ball properly. I’d had to lie and tell everyone I was using Lily’s birthday to experiment with various throws. ‘I’m still in awe. Your theory about angle in relation to the friction…?’ Ben lifted up his spare hand and pointed down at my head. ‘Girlfriend of the year right here!’

  I turned so he didn’t hear the groan that wouldn’t stay in. But my phone was buzzing.

  Erin: If you make things weird between me and Ben then

  Couldn’t she see this was me trying my hardest to be nice?!

  Me: Says the one who just declined a selfie with my best mate

  But it was my turn to bowl, so with Ben cheering me on, I stepped forward, pulled my shoulders back and looked down the lane. Hopefully this time I’d do better. Channelling every bit of Erin-confidence, and using the exact same technique she just used, I strode forward, bent my knee and lunged the ball down the lane with as much force as I could muster.

  And it knocked down five pins!

  Which was great!

  If it hadn’t been on the lane next to ours…

  Where there was now a small child crying over having their turn ruined.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ I said, running straight over.

  The dad clutched the child to him as if I was a bowling-ball-wielding maniac. Which I didn’t disagree with. ‘As long as it doesn’t happen again.’

  I promised him it wouldn’t.

  It accidentally happened three more times.

  When the manager moved (evicted) us to a new lane, Erin suggested she and Ben get drinks so I finally managed to get a chance to chat to Mich.

  ‘Nice game, Micha, or should I say The IncredibowlMich…’ She always had the best names – and scores. She was over seventy points ahead of me. ‘I’m still waiting to hit my stride.’

  Micha laughed. ‘As long as you don’t hit any more ninety-year-old men when you do.’

  The small child’s grandad had unfortunately discovered what a bowling ball rolling over a foot in socks and sandals felt like.

  ‘I think it’s just one of those evenings.’ I laughed, and then some more when I thought how much this really didn’t cover the scale of how weird my birthday was.

  ‘You’re telling me.’ Micha grinned.

  I smiled back, nodding along to the music, but really I was wishing I could tell her how much life sucked without her to talk to. How I needed her to stick with whatever weirdness my sister was dishing up until I was back in the right body.

  ‘So how’s it all going…?’ I tried to sound as vague as Erin should. ‘With football and things…?’

  Micha scrunched her mouth. ‘Depends who’s asking.’

  ‘Well, I am.’ This wasn’t the kind of conversation Mich would have ever had with my sister so I needed to try harder. ‘Look, I know me and Lil can argue, but if you ever wanted to tell me stuff, your secrets would be safe.’ I looked over to the lane we’d just moved from. ‘Unlike anyone bowling near us.’

  Micha fiddled with her straw – she was nervous.

  ‘Thanks, Erin…’ She paused. ‘I guess everything’s okay. I’m on track for a place with Aston Villa’s youth team if I do well this Sunday in the—’

  ‘Inter County Cup.’ Even in the low light it was clear she was surprised I knew. Oops. ‘Lily told me. She’s got you down for a hat-trick, you know.’

  Mich snorted. ‘As if. And anyway, goals are nowhere near as hard as staying up in chemistry. If I don’t manage that, I just know Mum and Dad won’t let me play, even if I do get into the team.’

  So they hadn’t found out yet. That was one good thing.

  ‘How’s that looking?’ I was fishing for a proper update. It had been too hard to ask over message, and my sister hadn’t paid enough attention to be able to give me details.

  She sighed. Hard. ‘Not good. I panicked in the spot test yesterday and…’ She looked at me, worried. ‘You won’t tell your parents, will you?’

  I shook my head. ‘I can promise you your secrets are as safe with me as with my sister.’

  She sighed. ‘Well, in that case… I flunked it.’ Exactly what I didn’t want to hear. ‘Majorly. So now Mr Sharma is making me sit a whole new exam.’ That was bad! ‘A week tomorrow.�
� That was even worse. ‘Fun, huh?’

  Wow. As much as I believed Micha was capable of anything, things were not looking great.

  ‘Can I do anything to help?’ I wasn’t that great at chemistry either but maybe I could talk my sister into it.

  Micha shrugged. ‘Nah, I’ll figure something out.’

  That was the thing about Mich, she never wanted to make her problems anyone else’s. But Erin and Ben arrived back and cut our conversation short, and soon I was cheering Micha on as she got yet another spare. But I couldn’t enjoy her full celebration, as in the darkness I felt something move behind our seats. Someone.

  I turned around.

  It was the manager. And he was standing watching us. Or, more specifically, me.

  His face was lit up by a giant UV bowling ball, so I couldn’t miss him mouthing, ‘I’m watching you,’ and use two fingers to point at his eyes, then mine.

  Way to make me feel less nervous.

  Ben leant over. ‘Your sister’s killing it.’ She’d just got her fifth strike. ‘She’s normally terrible!’ Thanks, Ben. ‘Do you think it’s time you stop the experiments and show her what you’re made of?’

  I laughed. Which seemed better than cry.

  ‘Er… I don’t like to end an experiment early.’

  Ben nodded solemnly. ‘Of course. But look who’s watching…’ He jerked his head towards the manager who was still lit up like a ghost in a suit. I had a horrible feeling that one more wrong move and we’d be asked to leave.

  I stood up.

  ‘C’mon, Erin!’ Micha whooped. ‘Time to unleash your AMAZING!’

  My sister smiled. ‘Ditto to that.’

  How was I going to pull this off?!

  I just needed to relax. But as I picked up my ball the manager drew alongside me.

  Was he going to reassure me it was okay after all? That bad spells happened to everyone?

  ‘No more of your displays please.’ He was looking down the lanes, arms crossed, but speaking to me. ‘I’ve seen you here before and know this is all an act.’ Little did he know it was actually an unfortunate case of an unexpected body swap. ‘So unless you stop messing around and take this seriously, it’s going to be a life ban. For all four of you.’

  Well, that was one way to motivate someone. Who wasn’t me.

  Because now I was terrified.

  With the ball shaking in my hands, I edged into the middle of the lane. The hand-sweating wasn’t exactly helping.

  What would Erin do? Guess she would just believe she could.

  All I had to do was not overthink it.

  I was definitely overthinking it.

  C’mon, me. Just achieve a normal throw. Knock some pins down.

  I looked down the lane.

  Took a few steps back.

  Lifted my arm up.

  Swung it forward to check my aim, pulled it back and…

  Bowled a perfect, straight ball right down the middle of the alley.

  Ben was so proud he screamed in admiration.

  Except…

  That was what I’d meant to do. But as I’d prepared to throw the ball, Ben had decided to share his latest ideas on my angle theory. How he thought resting his chin on the back of my neck and putting his arms alongside mine to show me with his whole body pressing into me was helpful, I did not know.

  Because all it made me do was release the ball with the momentum I’d built up.

  Straight backwards, on to his foot.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  ‘Aren’t you having your favourite for your big one-three birthday?’ Dad was shouting, it was so busy in Slice, Ice, Baby! We were all being extra cheerful to try to gloss over the fact Ben had his foot (which was now so swollen it wouldn’t fit in a shoe) propped up on a catering-size tub of mayonnaise. We all said he should get it checked out but he didn’t want to ‘ruin Lily’s birthday’. Little did he know Agatha had already managed that.

  Dad looked at my sister’s plate and put his hands (one bandaged) up to his face in fake shock. The cut on his head was now covered by the only plaster the pharmacy had – a cartoon princess one saying ‘I’m a Very Brave Girl’.

  But Dad’s shock was fair – my sister’s plate, which should be holding piles of delicious birthday pizza, contained just two meagre slices of tomato and mozzarella.

  Two?!

  Her plate was a criminal act! A cheese-based crime against my birthday! And I had a reputation to keep up in this place! Last time I was here my ice-cream eating had earned me a place on the Mega Bowl Wall of Fame (and people said it was my sister who excelled!). I glanced over at the ‘Lily Mavers’ written on the wall and hoped it couldn’t see what I’d become.

  Erin knew my pizza rule.

  Tomato and mozzarella is not a pizza flavour – it’s merely a pizza skeleton to hang off lots of far superior stuff: Pepperoni! Peppers! Ham! Banana (but only when I was at Micha’s as Erin didn’t allow them in the house).

  And two slices?! This was an eat-all-you-can pizza place! Not a nibble-till-you’re-comfortably-full restaurant! Erin’s plate made me sad – like seeing a dog that’d had too much hair taken off at the groomer’s.

  But I had to push it to one side – I was not letting my sister’s poor slice options, or being in the wrong body, ruin my birthday. The last week and a half had been all quiz lunchtimes, teacher chats, embarrassing rehearsals and chasing magical hairdressers, but for the next hour the only important thing was pizzaaaaaaaa.

  ‘Can I tempt anyone?’ A waiter pushed through the packed restaurant to wheel a tray of fresh hot pizzas over, a full sixteen-slice pepperoni one steaming away next to me. A pepperoni pizza that vegetarian Erin would never touch.

  Thank goodness the music was loud as I couldn’t help but whimper at its beauty. Oh pepperoni pizza – how I long for thee! One day we’ll be reunited, my oozing friend. Oh yes, we will.

  Micha leant over.

  ‘Erin, did you just say “one day we’ll be reunited”… to a pizza?’

  Well, I’d thought I’d only thought it but my passion for pepperoni must run deeper than I realized.

  ‘Hahahahahaahaaha.’ Slightly manic laugh. ‘No. That would obviously be madness. I was just er… practising my lines.’

  I took a ten-second-long sip on my drink to keep me quiet, and because Micha’s amazing she just smiled and said, ‘Absolutely.’

  Ignoring looks from Mum and Dad I asked the waiter to load up my plate with veggie deluxe. Sure, it wasn’t something Erin would normally do, but there was doing my best to be believable in my sister’s body so our entire lives didn’t implode – and there was saying no to free pizza.

  ‘Awesome pressie by the way.’ Micha nodded over to the stack of presents I’d cunningly ‘tidied’ in a pile between me and Ben. Some would call it a full-on barrier wall, but I had to protect myself somehow. ‘You literally chose the exact wheels Lily had been after?’

  ‘Really?’ I tried to look surprised, but it was definitely easier buying someone a birthday present when it was yourself you were buying for. Erin didn’t usually spend that much on me, but I had to take the positives of this body swap where I could, and new skateboard wheels had been it. Shame she said, ‘What on earth are these?’ when she opened them. And then, ‘HOW MUCH DID THEY COST?’ But I think I got away with it.

  And we had another surprise lined up. Mum had had the genius idea to tell the restaurant it was her youngest daughter’s birthday – not only was it cute, but even better, Erin would hate it. When people had birthdays here they went all out – a special dessert with sparklers, a song with all the staff, even a Polaroid picture to take home. I couldn’t wait to see Erin’s face. She kept saying how much of a breeze my life was, so I was going to enjoy seeing her deal with this particular gust.

  ‘Yessss, babes.’ Ben chinked his glass of Coke against mine. ‘You never match me slice for slice!’

  I jumped – as I did any time Ben was nearer than one metre.

  ‘Uh-huh,
’ was all I said, hoping the chewing excused me from a full sentence. But Ben didn’t seem to care I was worse company than a piece of cardboard. He just smiled longingly at me like Barry the Hamster (RIP) used to when I carried over a tiny triangle of toast and peanut butter for him. Wait.

  Why.

  Was.

  Ben’s.

  Hand.

  Creeping.

  Across.

  The.

  Table?

  Ben smiled at me.

  And I knew the truth.

  THE HORRIFYING TRUTH.

  His hand.

  Was moving towards mine.

  TO HOLD IT IN A LOVING WAY.

  Groosssssssssss.

  I leapt up so hard, I bashed my knees on the table, sloshing over most of our drinks.

  I may have also sent a pizza cutter flying through the air. It may have landed in an old lady’s handbag.

  Mum, Dad, Micha and Erin all stared right at me.

  ‘Everything okay?’ Ben asked softly when I landed back on the bench. Good – both his hands were firmly back in front of him, just where I liked them. I almost felt bad for him but if he knew, I swear he’d be grateful.

  ‘Just hiccups,’ I said to the whole table, widening my eyes as if I too were surprised. ‘One reaaaally big unexpected hiccup.’ I hit my chest. ‘Must be the nine slices of pizzas.’

  Ben nodded. ‘Our dog Martin used to do the exact same thing when he had too many treats.’

  ‘Honestly, that dog.’ I whistled happily, relieved Ben was taking the attention off me. ‘I couldn’t love that cute lil’ fluffpot more.’

  Ben’s eyebrows scrunched. ‘But Martin was a metre-tall Bernese Mountain Dog.’

  ‘And of course I meant little in a… big way.’ I avoided Erin’s laser-beam death stare. ‘That fella really gives the best doggie-cuddles ever.’

  ‘But he died three years ago.’ Ben sounded genuinely sad.

  ‘I meant in my imagination. I am, of course, still very sorry for your loss.’ I took an overly large bite of my pizza to stop any more words from leaving my mouth. It was the only way. But the cheese didn’t snap properly and boiling-hot tomato sauce flopped on my chin. Ouch. Even the pizza thought I was a terrible person.